1. Shutter Island
Enough of the Martin Scorsese/Leonardo DiCaprio combos already!! Could Scorsese please go back to making movies that star an actual grownup?? Look, it doesn't matter how many times DiCaprio sweats, develops a patchy stubble and stares into the camera like he's either seriously pissed off or has a raging case of hemorrhoids, he will always ALWAYS resemble a 12-year old. And "Shutter Island"? Is that where defective cameras are exiled to, kind of like that Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph the Fucking Red-Nosed Reindeer?
2. Sarah Palin's Facebook Page
In the old days, or so I hear, reporters would actually go out into the world to interview real people. These days, it seems many of them simply call up Sarah Palin's Facebook page and transcribe the wisdom they find therein. The latest kerfuffle, of course is Sarah's angry diatribe on Facebook about Family Guy and whether it insulted Trig, her son with Down's Syndrom. Poor Trig's real problem is that he's got this diabolical freak for a mother. Seems like every week there's some AP story reporting what the Wonder of Wasilla has posted lately. If the media is so convinced we all are dying to hear more of what Sarah has to say, let them trek up to Wasilla, pay her the fat fee she'd inevitably demand and then let her hold forth, in person, about how she'll solve all our problems. Should be interesting.
3. the Apple iPad
Each time Apple releases a new product, the media act like it's the Second Coming of Jesus, when in fact these things are essentially glorified toys for yuppies who need something new to diddle and obsess over. Frankly, the name of this product makes it sound like it's some sort of high-tech tampon. Enough already.
4. Lady Gaga
I have no idea what this woman's music sounds like. All I know is, she seems to be in the news quite a lot. I wish it would stop.
5. How Canadians Are Oh-So Modest Compared to Americans
Been hearing a fair amount of this, what with the Winter Olympics and all. First of all, I think that's probably bullshit. I betcha they're always making snide remarks "aboot" how our healthcare system sucks, our politicians are war-mongering maroons, our banks are out of control, religious wingnuts hold sway over vast parts of the country and most of us are incredibly obese. In fact, I just know they are, the bastards!! So what if it's all true?? Maybe we'll just roll up there one day and take over the friggin' place. How'd they like them apples? Bye-bye, universal healthcare, hello Wellpoint!!! Frankly, if my flag had a maple leaf on it and my paper currency was decorated with beavers (and somewhere therein lies the makings of a dirty joke) I wouldn't be prone to chest-thumping either. But we've got the Stars n' Stripes, we spend more on guns than all the other nations of the world combined, and we're all pumped up with carbs, sugar and junkfood. And plus, as far as medals go we're going to wipe the floor with their smug asses at the Olympics AGAIN. So those Canucks had better ... just ... watch it!!
