Boycott Arizona!!

I'm not sure why anyone would want to visit that sunblasted hellhole anyway. Yeah, maybe wizened old golfers whose faces already resemble saddlebags have some use for the place, or maybe if you're from Mexico it's preferable to what's going on south of the Rio Grande, but if I were Mexican I'd KEEP GOING NORTH. Arizona, for those who haven't been paying attention, has just passed an anti-immigrant law that will essentially have police pulling over people they even suspect of being illegal immigrants and demanding that they show proof of citizenship. This "law" is an outrageous violation of civil rights. It's straight from the fascist playbook and is a disgrace to the nation. Arizona, with with that ass-clown of a sheriff Joe Arpaio, has officially replaced Alabama as the worst state in the nation and that's sayin' something, with all respect to Lynyrd Skynyrd. It's a place where political courage goes to die. “We are going to look like Alabama in the ’60s,” state representative Bill Konopnicki told the New York Times. Konopnicki voted for the bill even though he didn't like it because "everybody was afraid to vote no on immigration." Voting "no" wouldn't change anything, he said. Well, that's standing for principle, isn't it? Then there's John McCain, that sad, sad empty shell of a man. A couple of years ago, back when he was a "maverick" although he says today he was never a maverick although throughout the presidential campaign he couldn't stop referring to himself as a maverick, McCain voted for the immigration bill that would have provided a path to citizenship for some illegal immigrants. Today, facing a fierce primary challenge, he calls the Arizona law a "good tool." Clearly, this man knows from tools. The "maverick's" evolution to horse's ass is now complete.
I wish I knew exactly what is made in Arizona so I could boycott it. Like a lot of places in America these days, I don't think much gets made there at all. Aircraft parts? Golf balls? Tomatoes grown with irrigated water? They certainly seem to produce a lot of right-wing freaks. I guess I could boycott their tourism industry. Oh well, so much for seeing the Grand Canyon. Then again, if I want to stare at an empty void I can always call up a photo of John McCain.

Texas School Board Controls U.S. Education … Great!

If you wonder why our schools are inundated with dumbed-down curricula, consider the outsize influence that the Texas state board of education exerts nationwide on school textbooks. Because it’s such a huge state, the guidelines adopted by the Texans have a big impact on what textbook publishers put in their textbooks. This is the school board that regularly puts the theory of evolution on trial. One board member, Cynthia Dunbar, wrote a book in which she described public schools as a “subtly deceptive tool of perversion.” Wow! My high school was never that fun. See, these folks aren’t just opposed to anything written after 1755, they actively HATE schools! I mean, who else would you want on your school board? It’s Southern logic at its best.

Fashion Weak

Last week was all about Fashion Week—at least, for certain slick publications based in New York. Each year, this cavalcade of giraffe-legged starvelings is given nonstop coverage in magazines like New York, Vogue and, sadly, the New York Times. I don’t get it. I understand I’m not the demographic they’re after, but who the hell is influenced by a bunch of underfed models wearing expensive crap that absolutely no one outside these fashion shows ever seems to wear? At least, no one at the parties I’ve been to, and I always go to the best parties, where the Coors Light is always served COLD! Seriously, it offends me to no end that with the ongoing problem we have with anorexic teenagers, no one in the “fashion world” has the integrity to try and put a stop to the celebration of these unhealthily thin waifs—at least, no one in the U.S. Barcelona at least tried to institute some sort of body-mass index for its fashion shows a while ago. And what’s with the “bruised eye” makeup many of these models seem to be favoring these days? So it’s not enough to celebrate anorexic women, now we have to glorify abused women? I can’t wait for these fashion houses to go out of business. I can’t wait for these pretentious designers to be stuck behind a cash register at Wal-Mart. CAN’T WAIT!!!

Things I'd Like to Hear Less About

1. Shutter Island
Enough of the Martin Scorsese/Leonardo DiCaprio combos already!! Could Scorsese please go back to making movies that star an actual grownup?? Look, it doesn't matter how many times DiCaprio sweats, develops a patchy stubble and stares into the camera like he's either seriously pissed off or has a raging case of hemorrhoids, he will always ALWAYS resemble a 12-year old. And "Shutter Island"? Is that where defective cameras are exiled to, kind of like that Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph the Fucking Red-Nosed Reindeer?

2. Sarah Palin's Facebook Page
In the old days, or so I hear, reporters would actually go out into the world to interview real people. These days, it seems many of them simply call up Sarah Palin's Facebook page and transcribe the wisdom they find therein. The latest kerfuffle, of course is Sarah's angry diatribe on Facebook about Family Guy and whether it insulted Trig, her son with Down's Syndrom. Poor Trig's real problem is that he's got this diabolical freak for a mother. Seems like every week there's some AP story reporting what the Wonder of Wasilla has posted lately. If the media is so convinced we all are dying to hear more of what Sarah has to say, let them trek up to Wasilla, pay her the fat fee she'd inevitably demand and then let her hold forth, in person, about how she'll solve all our problems. Should be interesting.

3. the Apple iPad
Each time Apple releases a new product, the media act like it's the Second Coming of Jesus, when in fact these things are essentially glorified toys for yuppies who need something new to diddle and obsess over. Frankly, the name of this product makes it sound like it's some sort of high-tech tampon. Enough already.

4. Lady Gaga
I have no idea what this woman's music sounds like. All I know is, she seems to be in the news quite a lot. I wish it would stop.

5. How Canadians Are Oh-So Modest Compared to Americans
Been hearing a fair amount of this, what with the Winter Olympics and all. First of all, I think that's probably bullshit. I betcha they're always making snide remarks "aboot" how our healthcare system sucks, our politicians are war-mongering maroons, our banks are out of control, religious wingnuts hold sway over vast parts of the country and most of us are incredibly obese. In fact, I just know they are, the bastards!! So what if it's all true?? Maybe we'll just roll up there one day and take over the friggin' place. How'd they like them apples? Bye-bye, universal healthcare, hello Wellpoint!!! Frankly, if my flag had a maple leaf on it and my paper currency was decorated with beavers (and somewhere therein lies the makings of a dirty joke) I wouldn't be prone to chest-thumping either. But we've got the Stars n' Stripes, we spend more on guns than all the other nations of the world combined, and we're all pumped up with carbs, sugar and junkfood. And plus, as far as medals go we're going to wipe the floor with their smug asses at the Olympics AGAIN. So those Canucks had better ... just ... watch it!!